one of my intentions for 2013 is to blog. I’m not even bothering to call it a New Year’s resolution, because here it is February 21 and I’m just getting started. I know that I will blog and I know that I will be slow at it. and that’s OK with me. (sometimes.)
every year I try to come up with one mantra for the year to inspire, motivate or calm me. and every year I come up with a whole list of words and phrases that penetrate my heart and each one seems to be “the one”. I try to force myself to choose just one, to keep it simple, to focus on just one little mantra to be my buddy for the year, to hold my hand as I stumble along on my path. and every year I end up with two or three, or four, mantras for the year. I can’t commit to just one. they’re all so good. I’m polyamorous with my love of words. I want them all simultaneously, or at least to alternate sweetly between a few without jealousy or strife. I have enough room in my heart to love multiple phrases: “shine” and “be more rad” and “be free where you are” — I love you all equally and openly.
I annoy myself. I whittle down my list from 10 to 6 to 4. I make a note to remember a certain phrase for next year, to keep a favorite in the wings in case the chosen ones don’t work out. I might need to call in “be love” or “listen deeply” as a back-up. I practice accepting all of this and allow it to unfold, once again, while I bargain with myself that I can choose three this time but next year, next year I will commit to just one.
this year I was inspired by my mother-in-law’s blog post at Tell it Slant about a discussion she had with friends, over dinner, about choosing a New Year’s mission statement. She wrote about her friends’ varied responses on the topic and then shared her mission statement for the year: “This is It” inspired by a calligraphy by Thich Nhat Hanh. That was one of my mantras in 2012. a good one. so good I kept it on my 2013 list for weeks, finally softening to the phrase that kept coming at me:
First it was my astrologer. My favorite astro blogger said: “Set clear intentions for the future. How? Know thyself. Get to the core of who you are and be it. State it. Honor it.” Then it was my chiropractor. He scrawled the words with a black marker on the whiteboard right in front of my face as I was talking about feeling stressed and overloaded and how, like my son, I get agitated when my environment is too noisy. He reminded me: know thyself.
so it stuck. it leads the mantra pack for 2013. and here I am. blogging. I am a lover of words. I blog slowly and infrequently. I have a hard time focusing on one thing. I want too much. I get agitated by lots of noise. I need lots of alone time. I sometimes can’t make decisions. know thyself.
I mindfully breathe in slowly and put my hands on my belly. I make my exhale slow and long, ridding my body of toxins through my out breath. I have too many mantras. I can choose to see this as a super cool and interesting quality or I can see it as a scattered ADD trait. it’s my choice. I choose super cool and interesting. know thyself.
I look in the mirror and each day the woman I see looks different. older. aging. wrinkling. middle aged. my body is changing rapidly. I hate it. I breathe again and try to hold my critiques for another day. Right now I am accepting all of this. all of me. I’m thinking of so many things I want to write about. but I’m sitting with this one thing. just this, right now, just this one blog post. just this one moment. this one mantra. opening a door for me to go deeper in how I know myself. ♥