I woke up this morning and felt like crying. Not for any particular reason. I just felt like sinking down into the earth and releasing it all. All of the tension, the struggle, the fear, the insecurities. The tears didn’t come. Instead the dog woke up and started whining to be let outside. I got out of bed, fed the dogs, threw on some clothes and scrawled a note to my teenager that I’d be at the cafe writing for a couple of hours.
I did it. I untethered myself from the domesticity and bolted out the door to freedom.
I had it planned. Last night I plotted it out and decided to write at the cafe this morning. A precious protected hour or two to myself to write. And yet, this morning it felt like a major coup.
At the coffee shop, songs keep coming on to trigger my tender heart. Reminding me of feelings from the past. Relationships from the past. Nostalgia.
Hendrix, May This Be Love
Bowie, Ashes to Ashes
Petty, I Need to Know
Marley, Three Little Birds
I still feel like crying, but something else is stirring. Then I remember today is a new moon in Taurus. In my personal astro chart my natal moon is in Taurus. It wants the Earth. This new moon must be pulling me to connect to the earth. Grounding, stabilizing, solidifying.
“The week is a mixture of fire and earth. Grounding and inspiration. Stabilizations and activations. This week asks us to manifest our creative energy. It asks us to channel the week’s illuminating insights into our everyday lives, making use of the gifts the gods give us.” — Chani Nicholas
I came here to work on an article idea but had to set it aside to write this. To write from the heart. My body is here at the cafe sipping a yummy chai latte and tapping away at my laptop but my heart is somewhere else. My heart wants me to climb back inside my body—to get out of my head. These two parts of me are both me. It isn’t one or the other. I need to feed both of us, all of us, and with something more than a latte and frittata.
There is a deep craving for the earth. I want to lie on a rock in the sun. Hike up a trail leading into the mountains. I want to feel the earth under my bare feet. Squeeze sand through my fingers.
Hello deep craving. Hello desire.
Oh the irony! Here I sit in a coffee shop rambling away on my keyboard while my daughter is in the wilderness on a week-long backpacking trip with her school. Maybe since part of my heart is with her in the Sespe Wilderness my longing for nature is stronger than usual. Maybe it’s the moon. Maybe it’s my daughter. Maybe it’s the moon energy that connects us.
Maybe it’s the moon energy that connects all women.
Off I go.
I’m heading home to rearrange my day so I can get to the river bottom or into the hills. So grateful to live in Ojai with beautiful trails just a stone’s throw away. Need to feed my body, nourish my heart, clear my mind.
Need to honor my Taurus moon.